SUCK MY DICK: Dov Charney

Dov Charney

Photo: dovcharney.com

SUCK MY DICK
Dov Charney
By Shannon O’Neill

Welcome once again to Suck My Dick. A weekly column letting the world know that I’m requesting some fellatio from someone or something that is pissing me off. I know, I don’t have a dick, but if needed I’ll step into a strap on and slowly wiggle a prosthetic dick into anyone and anything that pisses me off, and if it doesn’t have a mouth, well, I’ll figure it out. I’m resourceful.

Once again Dov Charney, the Chief Executive of American Apparel is being accused of sexual assault. Come on, Dov! What happened to getting permission? You already sell clothing that sexually harasses anyone that wears it or even tries it on, so why do you have to do it to real people? How about you take a dose of your own medicine and SUCK MY DICK?  Oh wait, I should trick you into it. Okay, I’m going to pretend my dick is an emaciated model that will do anything for a job at your company. I’ll dress my dick up in a high-waist skirt with a spaghetti strap top and maybe a pair of baby rib briefs in case you’re into little boys. Then WHAMMO, MY DICK IS IN YOUR MOUTH. Tricked my dick into your mouth, Dov!! How does that feel? Not great?  Then stop luring woman with job offers, when in fact the only job you are offering a blow job, in their mouth. Dov Charney, you are a filthy piece of shit, and you’re gonna S MY D BITCH!!!

P.S. Ladies, stop falling for his moves, and lets stop buying his clothes. That shit falls apart in months anyway.

Dov Charney

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About spotastic

I am a writer/performer/teacher at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre. If you are really curious, just google me or visit spotastic.com
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