SUCK MY DICK: Charlie Sheen

Welcome once again to SUCK MY DICK. A weekly column letting the world know that I’m requesting some fellatio from someone or something that is pissing me off. I know, I don’t have a dick, but if needed I’ll step into a strap on and slowly wiggle a prosthetic dick into anyone and anything that pisses me off, and if it doesn’t have a mouth, well, I’ll figure it out. I’m resourceful.

There are so many reasons why CHARLIE SHEEN should snuggle his $1.8 million-an-episode pair of lips around my living paycheck-to-paycheck dick.  But lets get to this week’s reason.

In what appears to be an attempt at good publicity, Charlie Sheen has offered to pay part of the Two and a Half Men crew’s salaries while the show is on hiatus.  SUCK A DICK CARLOS IRWIN ESTEVEZ.

If you are personally responsible for people being out of work, don’t offer to pay them a third of their salary. PAY ALL OF IT. Especially when you make $1.8 million an episode. They shouldn’t suffer because you enjoy cocaine by the briefcase and clits by the dozen. Charlie Sheen, YOU ARE FUCKING RIDICULOUS.  You need to either get your shit together and act like a decent human being or have an overdose that actually kills you, not one that encourages CBS to give you a pay raise.

(Side note, CBS, you can suck my shit hole.)

I colored my dick green like money to trick you into sucking it. Suck my weird green dick!

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About spotastic

I am a writer/performer/teacher at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre. If you are really curious, just google me or visit spotastic.com
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5 Responses to SUCK MY DICK: Charlie Sheen

  1. sean says:

    this is really funny. how did a girl write this, I thought girls weren’t funny…makin gross jokes about their periods and all

  2. Dick says:

    Hey Charlie, you egotistical narcissistic ego maniac, Eat My Period!
    PERIOD!

  3. Sb says:

    Charlie sheen is a useless fool. If he overdosed today no one would care by the end of the week.

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