Born To Be Mild: My Virgin Ears

I am not an adventurous person. I was never one for all night parties, sex without regret, and experimentation of anything illegal, mind-altering, or past it’s expiration date. All my life, I thought it was shameful to be so tame, but I’ve finally learned to embrace it. It’s who I am. So here I am. Liz Black, born to be mild.

Wait. Does everyone else know that there’s currently an Enrique Iglesias song on the iTunes Top 100 (currently standing at #78) called “Tonight (I’m F—ing You)”??? I. Am. Scandalized. For all I know, this song is months old and it was an internet meme that I missed, but I’m only just learning about it now. Is it about Anna Kournikova? Does dad Julio approve of such language? Does anyone else feel dirty?

Ironically, I LOVE the Cee-Lo song “Fuck You,” so I guess I have no problem when the F-word is directed at someone in anger, but when it’s actually used to describe intercourse, I recoil. My ears are like the MPAA — they have no problem with depictions of strong violence, but God forbid they’re exposed to brief sensuality. In other news, my unborn children are already embarrassed by me.


About lizblack

Liz Black is an entertainment writer who lives in Brooklyn, NY. She has improvised and written several sketch comedy shows which she performed at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, and most recently directed the sketch group Gentleman Caller. She has a blog,, and she really enjoys NY1 and burritos.
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2 Responses to Born To Be Mild: My Virgin Ears

  1. Marian says:

    The “unborn children” line cracked me up out loud for at least two minutes. Fortunately, I wasn’t eating anything.

  2. Maggie says:

    oh how I love this post! still laughing

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