SUCK MY DICK: Michael Vick

Shannon O'Neill (photo by Ari Scott)

Welcome once again to SUCK MY DICK.  A weekly column letting the world know that I’m requesting some fellatio from someone or something that is pissing me off. I know, I don’t have a dick, but if needed I’ll step into a strap on and slowly wiggle a prosthetic dick into anyone and anything that pisses me off, and if it doesn’t have a mouth, well, I’ll figure it out. I’m resourceful.

In 2007 Michael Vick was convicted of (federal) felony conspiracy in interstate commerce/aid of unlawful animal fighting venture. Or in other words he funded a dog-fighting ring, shared proceeds from fights and was personally responsible for the destruction of 6-8 dogs.  How did those dogs die?  Well they were hung or drowned silly!

And now 3 years later Michael Vick announces during an interview that he would love to own a dog.

SUCK MY DICK. YOU ARE A GIANT PILE OF HUMAN SHIT WITH A MOUTH. I AM GOING TO SHOVE MY DICK IN YOUR SHIT MOUTH AND MAKE YOU SUCK IT.

Mr. Vick, do you realize how fortunate you are? You murdered dogs, went to jail for 18 months and you were able to come back and play professional football again. That is it, that is all you should get, and I don’t even think you should get that. If the courts asked me what I wanted I would have put you in a cage just large enough for you to turn around in and never let you out. Then I’d take pictures of you sitting in your own shit and piss and post them on your Facebook wall.

23, 34, HUT HUT MY DICK IS IN YOUR MOUTH!  WRAP YOUR SHIT LIPS AROUND IT AND SUCK. MY DICK IS IN THE VICK! STEP INTO THE RING, OPEN THAT JAW AND GET READY FOR A DICK VS VICK FIGHT. WHOOPS MY DICK HAS TEETH AND IS TEARING THE FUCK OUT OF YOU! MY DICK DESTROYED YOU AND YOU JUST SHIT YOUR PANTS.

Cock Fight!

Shannon O’Neill is a writer/performer/teacher at the UCB Theatre. You can see her perform every Friday with The Stepfathers, Sundays in Asssscat 3000 and once a month with her sketch group Thunder Gulch.  www.spotastic.com

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About spotastic

I am a writer/performer/teacher at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre. If you are really curious, just google me or visit spotastic.com
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One Response to SUCK MY DICK: Michael Vick

  1. tcastle says:

    Finally, somebody that hates the piece of shit as much as I do. Vick should never have been reinstated and I hope he someday really gets whats coming to his happy ass!!! Check out my cartoon about Vick the Dick!!

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