9 to 5 Photo: JoshandJosh.typepad.com

Beyond The Bitch
9 to 5
by Caitlin Tegart

In comedies, women are often the girlfriend, the wife or the bitchy friend of the girlfriend or wife (Leslie Mann, God bless you, you’ve worn all the hats). But there was a time when women did some seriously kooky shit in movies and got the be the funny, flawed, active idiot all the guys get to play. So let’s take a look at these movies and aspire to reach their level of kookiness.

Dolly. Jane. Lily. Torture. Drunkenness. Snow White fantasies. If there’s not something in 9 to 5 for you, then you just can’t be pleased. 9 to 5 is the story of three women at different stages in their careers who band together to end the sexism in their office and the tyranny of their lecherous boss, played with epic panache by Dabney Coleman.

The film follows secretary Judy (Jane Fonda) as she enters the work place for the first time after her husband runs away with his secretary. Judy meets Violet (Lily Tomlin) who’s just been passed over for promotion. Tomlin shows Fonda the ropes of Consolidated Companies (screenwriter presumably fell asleep while naming the business) and specifically how to deal with their chauvinistic boss and his toady Roz (extra points for going against the obvious and making the corporate lackey a woman as well). Judy and Violet believe the boss’s personal secretary, Doralee (Dolly Parton) is having an affair with him, just because she has big boobs (though still not huge by Dolly standards.) Judy and Violet drop their beef when they all get drunk together and dream up ways of killing their boss. Indeed, that’s how many great friendships have started.

The next day, Violet maybe accidentally poisons their boss. Or maybe not. It’s not clear: it’s only clear that rat poisoning and sweetener should make an effort to distinguish their brands. The trio think they’ve killed the boss and steal his body from the morgue, except the boss is alive and comes to work the next morning. Zombie sexist boss! All should be well, but sneaky Roz overhears the zany adventures that have taken place and turns in the gals to their boss. Roz, you just don’t get girl-code. To avoid being turned into the police, Judy, Violet and Doralee kidnap the boss and send Roz on assignment.

While the boss tied up (literally) in his own house, the kidnappers enact some progressive changes in the work place because, you know, if you’re holding a man against his will, you can at least keep his business afloat. The work place changes particularly help the female employees and those with families. And guess what? The place is more profitable for the effort. Hey, these ladies might be able to do business!

The boss man plans to expose our heroines, but when he arrives back at Consolidated Companies (it’s still called that) after his wife comes home from vacation and unties him, he finds the chairman of the board at his office, praising his initiatives that have increased efficiency. The boss is asked to move to Brazil and Violet is promoted to his position. Hooray! Judy marries a Xerox representative (in case you forgot for a split second this movie takes place in 1980) and Doralee quits to pursue country music (in case you forgot for a split second where else you’d seen Dolly Parton). The boss is abducted by an Amazon tribe, which is a little racist, but he did deserved it.

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Join us for a party to celebrate the launch of TheGLOC.net on March 31st from 6-8pm at 92Y Tribeca (200 Hudson Street @ Canal)! Tickets: http://bit.ly/h4IfPF

Deborah Gibson as Eponine on Broadway- Photo: Joan Marcus

Tragedy Plus Time
Everybody Plays The Fool
by Kate Tellers

It’s a truth as old as pi, tragedy plus time equals comedy. In this column I take my bumps, my bads and my beastlies to show you that, with a little bit of time, that milk that spilled is just as good as the proverbial banana peel.

Boys changed everything.

MONDAY

I will not get to sing Eponine today, this much is clear. My best friend Maura, with whom I’ve been singing the Boublil and Schönberg’s canon for these first few months of eighth grade has replaced Cosette’s first few phrases in “A Heart Full of Love” with “I’m embarrassed, I’m embarrassed,” and she’s not even in the right key. I try to help her along, “Maura!  NO FEAR NO REGRET!” — no luck. We’ve sung Les Miz a thousand times before, but today we are singing it over the phone to boys, cute boys who play hockey that Maura met a few weeks ago at a Friday Night Open Skate. She grabs the cordless and I can hear her giggling towards hyperventilation in my kitchen. I close the book of sheet music and wait for her to hang up.

TUESDAY

Over our third bowl of after school cereal Maura announces that she and Dan talked on the phone for two hours last night. So basically it is serious. While to date I have received exactly one phone call from a boy, and Keith was just confirming the car pool for our piano recital, Maura is the poster child for the swatch phone. Before I can get jealous she tells me, “Dan and his friends want us to go to the rink on Friday.” Really? This time when they call and interrupt “The Movie in My Mind,” I don’t mind as much.

WEDNESDAY

This time when the boys call, I answer the phone. They ask what we are doing and I tell them, really casually, that we’re just singing. Because we sing. Really well. And I also play the piano. There’s a lot of phone passing around and finally I hand the phone to Maura because at this point she’s been on the phone with them every night this week, and I think I’ll play to my strengths and quietly pick out “Stars” on the piano in the background. Probably Maura is going to go up into the woods with Dan on Friday, I wonder if I’ll go up too.

THURSDAY

Maura is so tired today because she was on the phone with Dan all night. He sang to her! He sang “Beauty and the Beast,” because he knows she likes Disney songs and also it is about us. She giggles, I do not. There is one beauty and one beast here, and I am way behind on phone time to be the princess in the yellow dress. I’m embarrassed. I’m embarrassed. For the first time in my life I realize two things: One, I am not pretty to boys, and two, I desperately want to be. Even though Maura and I both share the same jewel toned mock turtlenecks from Limited Express, we do not look the same.  Her brown hair is straight and thick, mine is permed and frizzy. Her skin is smoother and tan, her waist is smaller and she does not have braces. Now that the boys have noticed, I see it too.

FRIDAY

We go to the rink. While I wait with the boys for Maura and Dan I put my hair over my face and do a pitch perfect Eddie Vedder impression. It’s not getting me up into the woods any faster, but it makes them laugh. I know I can do that. Oh, and I kill on both the sides of the Ellen/Kim duet.

Adira Amram will pump you up!

Comedy chanteuse and G.L.O.C. ADIRA AMRAM is one of those genuine, half-full kind of gals. Her performances leave you pumped and she’s a constant supporter around the New York comedy scene infusing anyone in her presence with a feeling of indescribable happiness. A lover, supporter and insanely talented to boot, let’s find out where her flair for the comedic pop song comes from. Welcome to the world of Adira the Great.

So, Miss Amram, where did you grow up?

I grew up on a farm in Putnam Valley, NY. The farm was a little like Noah’s Arc—not the Logo show, I wish!—we had horses, three cows, goats, chickens and ducks and ten cats, which were my favorite.

Singing at Symphony Sapce. (L to R) Lora Lee Ecobelli, Adam Amram, Dave Lindsay, Adira Amram, David Amram and Alana Amram. Photo: James F. Fischetti

You grew up in a very musically-inclined family, did you have a family band when you were a kid?

Well, kind of. My dad would always have us come and play on stage with him. I remember doing it when I was four or five and I would just play a rattle. It wasn’t like Partridge Family-style, although we did sing in the car a lot.

What was your go to travel song?

“In The Jungle”. I remember my brother being like, “aweemba way.” [laughs] Now it’s funny because I sing in my sister’s band and I sang on her record. I would love to do more stuff with my brother but he kind of does more punk rock stuff so he doesn’t really need me for that.

Adira and her brother, Adam Photo: Lora Lee Ecobelli (Adira's Mom)

What was the first instrument you learned to play?

At home there were always a ton of instruments around, but I remember in fourth grade I wanted to play the trombone. They were like, no, we actually need someone to play French horn. They knew my dad played it. I think they were thinking they were going to get a great French horn player for their school. [laughs]

Little Adira with Mandolin, Photo: Lora Lee Ecobelli

Where do you think your sense of humor comes from?

My dad is hilarious. You know how people always say musicians want to be comedians? That’s my dad. He is just so funny.

What was your first memory of making somebody laugh and knowing you were funny?

I used to do imitations when I was little and was totally encouraged by my parents. Thank god my parents didn’t encourage me to become a child actor because I would have been one of those annoying kids that you see on the Disney Channel: “Did I do That!?!” The ham sandwich. But, yeah, my big hit that I thought was pretty hilarious is I had this cane that I bought when I was 6 or 7 at a flea market with my parents. I would sing that song “Clementine,” my dad would play piano, and I would start out as an old woman and then I’d be like, “Hit it!” and my dad would start playing fast and I’d throw my cane in the air and just start going crazy like I’d suddenly become young. Kind of like the movie Cocoon! I loved that movie.

Did you want to want to be an actor as a child?

I didn’t want to be an actor, I wanted to be a movie star. I wanted to be like Goldie Hawn, I thought she was the coolest. I used to love Overboard. I also really liked Carol Kane, I loved Scrooged, and I was a huge Bill Murray fan. I also really liked stand-up comedy when I was in elementary school. That was when Comedy Central had just come out. I used to watch Stand-Up Spotlight with Rosie O’Donnell and I actually got in trouble in fourth grade; I kept missing the bus because I was watching Comedy Central. I also really loved Steve Martin and I was a huge fan of the Muppets. Muppets Take Manhattan was one of my favorite movies. Still is. I was like “I want to live in that NY!” I wish Joan Rivers was at the make up counter.

Where did you go to college?

I first went to college at the University of Buffalo. I had wanted to go to Emerson, but my parents were like, hell no! It was too expensive. I had a lot of fun there and it was good for me to be away from home, but after my first year all this crazy shit went down. My family’s house burned down and it was a really weird year. So the summer between my freshman and sophomore years I ended up living in the city with a friend of mine, I slept on her couch for like $200 a month. In NY that summer I started taking classes at the Atlantic Theatre Company and that was a huge, huge turning point for me. They had a two year intensive, but I ended up deciding that I should probably just get an undergrad degree so I ended up doing one more year at Buffalo. After I graduated I started taking classes at UCB which was another total eye-opening, life changing world to be in. I didn’t even know that kind of world really existed.

What was your first comedy performance in NY?

I graduated [college] in ’03 and I didn’t move into the city until January of ’04 so I was living at home for six months. While I was living at home I would go down to Collective Unconscious where they had an open mic called Reverend Jen’s Anti Slam and my friend Quincey and I had this act together. I actually met ANN CARR there and we performed in this little sketch group for a short while called Hot Little Pieces of Ass [laughs], but it was just really more for fun. [Ann and I] did a Christmas show and I played the keyboard and she played the violin. My real first show was at the Nuyorican Poets Cafe where I did two songs from my three song EP—which no one has—called “For You,” and another song called, I think, “I’ll Settle.” A very uplifting song.

What was the audience reaction?

They were polite. Actually, I met [my husband] Bram that night. He came up to me after and said, “I wish you wrote those songs about me,” and I was like, “Oh my god! Do you want to marry me?” [laughs] “Call me!” That summer in ’04 is when I really decided I was going to perform by myself. I did a Comedia dell’arte play in the Fringe Festival with Patrick Shepard, Eric Davis (Red Bastard), Chris Rozzi, Audrey Crabtree and Lynn Berg, and after that we did this variety show at Juvie Hall for a month and I hosted. That whole month was really amazing because each week I had another opportunity to perform in front of an audience. I just kind of took it away from there.

The Black Tour

What are your future plans?

I’ve been working on a new album for about a year now. I’ve been collaborating with this DJ in Seattle named Dynomite D. He is so talented…a genius. [My band is] really trying to tour more because it’s just great to get out of the city to perform for different people and to see the world that way is pretty amazing. I’m also developing a series. As of right now they are very short episodes for the Web. For a long time I was kind of freaked out by the idea of trying to translate what I do to series, now I’m trying to have more fun with it. I’m trying to have more fun with everything. I think it’s really easy to just get yourself freaked out and I’ve spent way too much time in my life already just being freaked out so I’m trying to just be like…it’s all good.

Adira, Maresa & Jessi perform at Hot Tub

Word, girl. Is someone helping you produce the series?

Not yet, we’re kind of pitching it at the moment. I’m actually looking right now for a few different people to help me write it because that’s just not my area of expertise. If somebody knows how to do something better than me then I have them help me with it. I know my limitations. Like with the girls (backup dancers JESSI ERIAN and MARESA D’AMORE-MORRISON), they are amazing dancers and they bring this other layer of awesomeness to the show that is legitimately cool. Or playing with the band, those guys are all real musicians so they make it better. I want to keep bringing in people who are outside anything I can do. Two other things I’m working on: monthly I’m a part of The Party Machine [at Union Hall] which is ARDEN MYRIN and LISA DELARIOS’ show. Lisa and Arden are two of my favorite comedians so it’s been this amazing opportunity to perform on the show with them every month. We are also the house band for Kurt Braunohler’s show, Night of the Living, and it’s been fun to explore that world.

What is your process when writing a song?

It depends. Rarely do I get an idea for a song on its own, like “I’m going to write a song called ‘Finger Blast’ and it’s going to go like this.” It’s more like I’ll hear the music and it kind of inspires the idea. So much pop music is kind of hilarious without intending to be. Like Rebecca Black, her song is no worse than anyone else’s song. Like that Ke$ha song. She is my mortal enemy… I just don’t get it.

So what ladies are you really enjoying watching right now?

Oh man, who am I not, Glennis!? I have a very long list. I think ABBI JACOBSON and ILANA GLAZER are going to take over in, like, five-minutes. That shit (Broad City) is hilarious. If somebody does not pick that up I will pick them up and shake ‘em! I also love ANDREA ROSEN, SARA SCHAEFER and BROOKE VAN POPPELEN. I think Sara has been pretty amazingly brave on stage. Or somebody like KATINA CORRAO, I could watch her talk about nothing. She is so appealing to me, I just enjoy watching her. Or somebody like ANN CARR, I don’t think there is anybody that’s a better actress. I am very inspired by watching other people. I know some people get jealous when they see other people perform, but with comedy you don’t ever have to be jealous because they always just want to see “you”. There’s no chance you could be anybody else. Oh and of course BECKY YAMAMOTO. Some of the jokes she makes I’m like, oh my god I wish I’d thought of that. Like her joke about looking like a middle-aged child because her mom gave her a perm and then somebody at the playground hands her a file… [laughs] Oh god and KRISTEN SCHAAL! Good lord. She is a great person. A lot of the ladies are just really nice people. There’s also something really different about women that are doing comedy and men that are doing comedy. Not that I don’t love men that are doing comedy – I LOVE them, they’re wonderful, but there’s a different kind of person I think. I just feel like there’s this bond between women who are doing comedy, you know?

So what do you hope to see from women in comedy in the future?

I want to see more women going for it and I would like to see more women in development and in the industry of comedy. There are people who make decisions who aren’t necessarily funny people. I’d like to see more women just believing in themselves, not being afraid and not taking no for an answer. These are all things I’d like to see in myself. I’d like to see more women of different ethnic backgrounds doing comedy, not just white women. It’s bad when you can list off every Asian woman doing comedy. I mean, I guess we’re kind of a segregated city, it just weirds me out sometimes. MICHELLE BUTEAU has the best joke where she’s like, “Look at the diverse crowd we have tonight! I’ve never seen a more diverse group of white people before!” It’s just such a perfect joke. I’d just like to see more ladies supporting each other! Celebrate, don’t hate!

Adira goes for it on tour with The Slew, Photo: Marlon Morina

What advice would you give someone wanting to do what you do?

Just go for it. If you want to do it, you should and there shouldn’t be anything that stops you. And it’s really fun, you should try it!

What was the best career advice you ever received?

My dad says this a lot at his own shows, which is a really good piece of advice for anybody even if you’re not doing shows: If you’re around people who are telling you can’t do something or you’re not good enough or you should stop, you should just hang out with different people. I think another good thing is you shouldn’t care so much what people think about you. You have to like what you are doing. That’s the thing… if you really, really like what you are doing then people are going to as well. I think sometimes when you’re like “they didn’t like it!” maybe you didn’t like it either.

That’s a really good point. Where do you think you’re confidence comes from on stage?

I have no idea! [laughs] I kind of go into this zone when I go on stage. Like this part of me that’s talking right now is totally gone.

Like Sasha Fierce…

Yeah, I remember when I heard an interview with Beyonce when she had her launch of I Am… and I was like, that’s me! I do that too! I don’t have such an awesome name: Adira the Great. [laughs] I used to sign all my greeting cards to my dad “Adira the Great” because I was a modest child. [laughs] I think the whole process of changing your exterior with costumes and makeup changes you inside as well. Like the people in Cats! [laughs] I really like cats.

And we bring it back around to cats. Full circle! Is there anything else you’d like to say, Adira?

Um… thank you for liking me and I really think this blog is a wonderful place for people, not just women, but for men and and women to go and read about fascinating, beautiful women that are hilarious. And I thank you for putting your time into it. I hope people realize a lot of hard work on your end goes into this. I think it’s great and I have a lot of respect for you.

And I, you! Hearts and hugs.

You can catch Adira Amram & The Experience at the G.L.O.C. Launch Party tomorrow night from 6-8pm at 92Y Tribeca! Find out more about Adira and future performance dates at Adiraamram.com. Purchase her first album, Hot Jams For Teens on iTunes.

We live! TheGLOC.net

The word about the G.L.O.C. Launch Party is out and the consensus is: Code Red! This beast is burning up the internets faster than Rebecca Black on crack!*

Check out some of the fantastic press the launch is receiving: the Village Voice gives us a glowing endorsement and we’re a Time Out NY Critics Pick! The launch is being gorgeously sponsored by BUST Magazine and Shap Sweeney of ComedySmack not only loves the site, but women in comedy in general. That’s our kind of fella! We also heard from a little birdy that NY Mag, The Frisky, Improvisation News, The Skint & The Marie Sue will be covering the event. These folks can cover us any time. A handful of fantastic photographers will be snapping the night away so dress to impress, ladies and germs. (Funky and fun cocktail attire is recommended.)

To top off all that greatness, tickets are a measly six bucks! Have you purchased yours yet?

Thanks to all our readers and the gorgeous ladies in the neighb’ who are adding to the buzz. This is sure to be the event of the season. That season being… spring?

See you at the Y!

*Rebecca Black is not on crack, we are just fans of rhyming. Unlike Rebecca Black.

L Train Photo: freewilliamsburg.com

A Day In The Stride
Lincoln Center Rush
By Glennis McMurray

Welcome to a new G.L.O.C. column highlighting the ins and outs, ups and downs of being a working actress in New York, A Day In The Stride, written by founder of G.L.O.C., GLENNIS MCMURRAY.

I am a New Yorker by way of a trailer park in Colorado. I claim the title “New Yorker” with pride just as I did the title “trailer trash” in my early life because, dammit, I earned it. My domination of these gritty New York streets began at age 19 when, upon arrival, I vowed, in my overalls and box-colored blonde hair, to make it as a real New York actress. And I don’t mean to brag, you guys, but I am one of those rare and enviable overnight success stories. Just 12 years later—twelve!—I am certifiable. Don’t hate me because I’m living my dream; hate me because I just booked a local Wendy’s radio demo. (After two callbacks.) I am an actress living in New York. This is my story.

The sounds coming from my ear buds change from the gentle stylings of Paul Simon to the booty-blasting beats of the Chemical Brothers. We are clearly on shuffle, iPod and I, and the volume has clearly not been equalized. Add that to my To Do list. My eardrums threaten to revolt down into the safety of my bowels in the wake of this audio assault. Could I help I would, but figuratively speaking, my hands are tied. Literally speaking, my arms are pinned to my sides as I stand packed in a sea of hipster sardines on a rush hour L train streaking under the East River into Manhattan. I break into a sweat in my winter wear as I frantically try to reach the iPod in my right pocket before my hearing is permanently damaged and my affinity for techno causes an eye-rolling revolt among the uberhip that surround me. My head, which is packed with a sort of concrete mucus mixture from the super virus I’ve caught, for the second time, from the cast of my current show, threatens to split wide open and ruin the vintage wear of my fellow passengers. I do the only thing I can think to do. I stealthily wrap a finger around the cord aiding the assault and rip the ear buds from my ears. Relief! Momentary. I instantly realize these block-rocking beats are now blocking and rocking everyone within my direct vicinity. Spontaneous dance party, anyone? Not today, McMurray. Throwing genuine looks of apology throughout the train as we sway back and forth, I wonder if indoor rain is a possibility as it’s the only thing that could make my morning commute worse. Perfectly on cue, my blocked-up nasal passages let loose and I feel a tiny line of snot start to run down my upper lip.

Jealous?

The doors open at my transfer station (sweet relief!) and I bolt off the train simultaneously checking my phone for the time (late!) wiping my nose (with my sleeve!) and replacing the dangling ear buds in my ears. Bonnie Raitt accompanies me through the tunnel connecting the red and orange lines as I dodge morning commuters in my raggedy 6-year-old boots. My neon yellow sock pokes out of one of the many holes (one for every year) threatening to disintegrate the boots mid-stride. I’m going to get these boots repaired. Tomorrow. It’s on my To Do list. The red subway line in sight, I check my phone for the time. I have 15-minutes to make it 52 blocks uptown. I hope for the sweetest of New York moments: perfect commuter/train arrival synchronization. I near the steps leading down to the subway platform.

Shitballs.

The platform is nearly invisible under a sea of bodies. Train troubles. My brain goes into overdrive. Should a train arrive in perfect synchronicity with me (seriously, there is nothing better) it will be another exhausting fight to climb aboard. Well, bring it. Give me all the dirty looks you want, ladies and germs (sniff, sniff *cough*), I am getting on this mother-humping train. Don’t you know who I am? Don’t you realize where I am headed? I am a New York Actress! Today I perform at Lincoln Center! Yes! THE Lincoln Center! In a theatre! Yes! A real theatre! For children! Yes! REAL children! So stand aside, you paper pushers, I have an improvised musical to perform.

Jeff Hiller & Glennis duet in Baby Wants Candy Photo: Leah L

Yes, musical improv. It’s sort of my specialty. (Cher-like hair toss.) I performed in a two-woman group for 5 years and all I got was a lousy box of t-shirts nobody cares to purchase. Spending 5+ years of your life perfecting a skill, such as the improvised musical, is a little like getting a degree in Philosophy. Useless in the real world and an embarrassment to your parents. Regardless, the audience of 6th graders that morning eat it up, and I leave the theatre feeling like I’ve really made a difference in their lives. Sure, they sat silently, arms crossed, as I portrayed possibly the world’s most delightfully neurotic hoarder turtle (the irony of a turtle buying paper towels in bulk is wasted on the youth) and they boo’d when I mentioned Justin Bieber (noted), but I’m pretty sure at least a few of them will take to the stage later in life because of me. (As political figures looking to cut arts programs.) You’re welcome!

The show ends. I head outside, check my phone and secretly puff a cigarette—the first & last thing I need—in a hidden corner out of view as the children head to their buses. I wouldn’t want them to see their idol succumbing to her vices. I leave that to Lindsay Lohan. I have 20-minutes until my next appointment in a day without a real break until 10 p.m. that night, when my (NY Times reviewed!) show ends and I can wearily drag myself home only to rinse and repeat tomorrow. It starts to rain but I’ve come prepared and I slip two plastic bags over my socks to counter my holy boots (Batman) and protect my sweet, neon socks. Putting out my cigarette with my boot, I rub my eyes with my paws raccooning my mascara. I’m already exhausted so I reach for my morning bagel nestled inside my purse to fuel me through the next few hours. Looking up at Lincoln Center, I remind myself how cool this all would have sounded to the 19-year-old me sleeping on the floor of a railroad apartment in Jersey City. I’m not chained to a desk in a shitty day job and in a few minutes I’ll be auditioning to be the new voice of Yoplait. You’ve come a long way, McMurray.

I mean you’re still kind of an idiot, but now you’re an idiot who makes money doing what you love.

Jealous?

This post was commissioned by and originally posted on Comediva.com.

Jessica Delfino at Stripped Stories - Photo: Francine Daveta

I Love Your Style
Jessica Delfino
By Giulia Rozzi

Style is an extension of your persona. When you’re onstage exposing that persona, what you wear can say a lot about who you are. I think lady comics have some killer style, in this new column I’ll pick one fabulously fashionable funny female to invite us into her closet to discuss her style inspirations and maybe even offer up some garb for grabs.

This week’s style spotlight: JESSICA DELFINO!

Oh the wonderful Jessica Delfino. No one else can make a rape whistle sound so rockin’ while also being publicly denounced by the Catholic League. Amazing! And she does it all in hip, colorful, dazzling style. This ECNY winner for Best Musical Act has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, The Sundance Channel, Fox News’ Red Eye, and she’s played the Montreal Comedy Festival, Edinburgh Fringe Festival, and The Dublin Comedy Festival. Described as “The Joan Baez of the Vagina Song” by Blender Magazine’s Rob Tannenbaum, Delfino has the impressive ability to use naughty words in the most intelligent way, and with the most delightfully catchy beat. (If you have yet to see the adorable, brilliant I Wanna Be Famous video by Jessica & Nick Fox-Gieg, watch it NOW!) Jessica Delfino gets people to laugh, toe-tap, and think. A smart, sassy, hilarious, force-to-be-reckon-with, glittery, gorgeous girl? Now that’s fashionable!

I love your style!

Thanks!!!

How do you think your style reflects who you are/what does your style say about you?

It allows me to express how I feel on any particular day. It can say, “Get out of my way, jerk hole, I’m a rock star!” Or a more classy, “I am feeling very thoughtful and introverted”. I like to name my outfits, like, what I’m wearing today is called, “SuperBitch” because it caters to and blends the meeting, rehearsal and two shows I have today, and I look and feel good, like an ass-kicking fox.

Is your onstage wardrobe different than your day-to-day clothes?

I try to make them work together. I want to look good but stay functional. Some days I’m at auditions and meetings all day and I don’t have time to go home to change before shows. I don’t want to have to cart a suitcase around with me, lest I look like I’m on my way to my job as a stewardess or a stripper. Both of which are A+ jobs. But I am neither. Anymore.

What’s your favorite onstage outfit?

I like this striped jacked plaid-ish skirt combo I have which is potentially seizure-inducing and guaranteed to keep most creep wads and turd captains from messing with me before or after my shows.

This "seizure inducing" look got Delfino named one of TimeOut Magazine's "Most Stylish New Yorkers"- Photo: TimeOut

What’s your favorite off-stage outfit?

I like leggings and a soft cotton shirt paired with a flowing knee length skirt and pointy witch shoes, a cute jacket over it all. Sort of “funky librarian,” if you will.

The funky librarian look.

What are your style inspirations and/or favorite designers?

Models on toy and cereal boxes, random mannequins, gay men, Obama’s daughters and children in general—kids’ clothes are always so great, covered in sequins and glitter with bows and fun patterns—some of my favorite clothes items are rare finds of kids’ clothes in giant sizes. Designers, take note and please start making kids clothes and shoes in my size. Designers I love include Pat Field and Cynthia Rowley. I love how their clothes are almost prostitutical but yet so undeniably lovable. I also love Malene Birger. She’s Danish, an artist, really, who’s medium is fabric. She’s just on a totally other level.

What’s your favorite place to shop?

I love Pat Field and Juniper Galaxy. I stop into thrift stores in every city I go to, I also love to hit yard sales when I see them. I love the random game show aspect of it. Let’s see what the prize is today? Oh, a box of dusty old encyclopedias. I lose. Wait, a pair of brand new gold vintage shoes in the box in my size for $1? I WIN!!!! But thrift stores are getting a lot crappier, they are full of Faded Glory/Walmart brands and Old Navy pullovers and less vintage gems. It’s bad for the future of fashion.

What’s your most recent favorite find?

A gorgeous pair of vintage red and blue shoes.

Ooooh, gorgeous indeed!

Have any on-stage or off-stage style pet peeves?

I wish we dressed like it’s the future, ’cause it is. Where are the fish bowls on our heads, the asymmetrical hats, the sci-fi silver outfits and what have you? I also wish that people dressed up more, just for the fun of it. Bankers and even bank robbers dress up. If they can do it, so can everyone else.

If money were no object, what would be your dream on-stage costume/outfit?

I’d dress like Elton John every night. I’d wear extravagant outfits with hats and veils. I dressed like Lady Gaga before Lady Gaga, in my old band “Haunted Pussy.” It was a lot of fun. I saw Grace Jones perform when I was in the Reading & Leeds Festival and she blew my mind. She had all these hats and the hottest legs and her fashion was part of the concert. I was absolutely delighted by it all. I think having a gazillion dollars would be really freeing to my sense of fashion. Rich people dress insane, it’s because they’re rich, so they can.

Delfino Gaga

Any style advice or anything you’d like to add?

Take a chance. How can you truly be yourself if you look just like everyone else? I appreciate people’s necessity to be individual and stand out in their own way. I’ve gotten attitude from people when I dress outlandish, like “Who are you to be so trendy and stylish?” Who am I not to be? Who are you not to be? I also don’t want to die in a lousy outfit. Also, come to the Swap O Rama Rama at NYU on Earth Day afternoon. Bring a bag of clothes, leave with a bag of clothes. I take almost my entire wardrobe and cash it in for a new one once a year.

“How can you truly be yourself if you look just like everyone else?” I Iove that! Lastly, got an item you want to give away, sell or trade?

I got bags and bags of clothes, I’d like to sell, trade or give away including this:

Vintage short sleeve sweater

Snag some designer Delfino by emailing giulia[at]thegloc.net

See Jessica Delfino in her monthly show Skits N’ Tits at Bowery Poetry Club, and buy her awesome album I Wanna Be Famous here. You can find out more about Jessica on her website at JessicaDelfino.com.

WELCOME to Gorgeous Ladies of Historical Comedy. According to the annual Presidential Proclamation, March is Women’s History Month. To celebrate, over the next five weeks, G.L.O.C. NICOLE DRESPEL will shine spotlight on a few of her favorite funny women from the olden days. This week: America’s first female playwright, MERCY OTIS WARREN.

I’m so excited about this week’s subject that President Obama should issue a proclamation to keep me from writing this entire post in capital letters! I’m going to try to exercise restraint. But first, here are some more exclamation points: Revolutionary! Playwright! Patriot! Friend of Abigail Adams!

Mercy Otis Warren was born in 1728 to a Mayflower descendant and farmer/judge/merchant/political activist.  (People had a lot of jobs back then.) Nobody thought to send girls to school, so Mercy got the leftovers from her brothers’ tutors and became a total smartypants on her own. Years later, she’d make epistolary contact with the most important minds of the time: George Washington. Thomas Jefferson. John Adams. Do not get into a Founding Fathers namedropping competition with Mercy Otis Warren. She will kick your ass.

It’s taking all of my restraint not to totally nerd out about Warren’s Badass Revolutionary cred. I’m like, bursting with Sons of Liberty and Committees of Correspondence excitement. (Somebody give me a book deal. Pitch: Light on research. Heavy on enthusiasm. There can be pictures.) And then there’s her loving and supportive marriage to fellow patriot James Warren. Swoon. But I know you’re here for the comedy, so let’s get to it.

Beginning in 1772, Warren wrote several plays and poems about the British government in the colonies. For safety reasons, she published anonymously. Warren had high standards for everyone and low tolerance for bad behavior, eventually gaining her the nickname the “Conscience of the Revolution.” Tories and fickle Patriots were targeted as often as the British. But it wasn’t about judgment. Warren used satire to highlight what was wrong, in the hopes of making things right.

The year we signed the Declaration, Warren published The Blockheads. British soldiers and Loyalists had just evacuated Boston and were en route to Canada. (Even two-hundred years ago, that country was kind of a punchline.) Most of the dialogue is just whining. That’s a clever way of highlighting America’s success and drawing more readers to their cause. Every complaint is a disguised American triumph. The first scene is a round table of soldiers listing their personal trials in excruciating detail.

Shallow: Hard crusts and rustic bones have never till now become my diet. They do not suit my digestion. My teeth are worn to stumps, and my lips are swelled…My jaw bone has been set a dozen times, dislocated by chewing hard pork, as tough as an old swine’s ass.

Following this, Warren took a break for about three years. At the encouragement of her husband she eventually produced another play in 1779. The Motley Assembly focused on the frivolous preoccupations of Tory society. Everyone yearns for the days of British occupation because they threw better parties. While each character is silly, they’re also capable of making cutting remarks about one another. Gossip is something Warren was criticizing but it’s also the device through which her best observations are made. In the scene below, two American officers discuss the Loyalist women they’ve been visiting. Captain Aid has just run into a woman named Tab, who was “brawling like a bedlamite” against Captain Careless. He asks his friend to explain why:

Careless:…It is unnecessary to repeat the conversation. Suffice it to say it was upon the old topic, which they handled with so much rancor, and indecency, sparing none of us; and so very lavish of their encomiums, on the British officers, that, I confess, I felt not a little vexed; and in revenge as well as to divert the conversation, proposed their making each two shirts a week for the continental soldiers.
Aid: Did you by heaven? Well how was it received?
Careless: As I intended. Faith!  It operated so violently on Tab that I expected nothing short of an hysteric fit. Her efforts to contain her rage must have been excessive, if one may judge by her horribly distorted countenance.
Aid: Why I dare swear, Careless, it was her natural look, which you took for such a horrible distortion.

After the war, Warren focused less on being funny. She eventually went on to write one of the earliest histories of the Revolution. It was very Pro-Thomas Jefferson and very Not-As-Pro-John Adams which was kind of awkward because they went way back.  Adams wrote her a strongly worded letter in 1805 (he wrote a lot of those). In response, a 77 year-old Mercy Otis Warren told him to get over himself.  It wasn’t personal, it was about history. No one—not even a friend, mentor, and former President—was invulnerable to the Conscience of the Revolution.

Notes:
Play transcripts provided by Richard Seltzer, 2002.

Further reading:

Philbrick, Norman, ed. Trumpets Sounding: Propaganda Plays of the American Revolution. Ayer Publishing, 1976.

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Join us for a party to celebrate the launch of TheGLOC.net on March 31st from 6-8pm at 92Y Tribeca (200 Hudson Street @ Canal)! Tickets: http://bit.ly/h4IfPF

Jane Borden

Recently published author & G.L.O.C. JANE BORDEN took time out of her busy touring schedule promoting her book I Totally Meant To Do That for a gorgeous interview with G.L.O.C. Jane spoke with me from her family home in Greensboro, NC about the Southern sense of humor, her history with comedy in New York and what she hopes to see in the future from women in comedy.

Congratulations on all the success with your book! Did you expect the response to be this huge?

I didn’t know what to expect. It’s really fun. I’m on tour right now so it’s a lot of reunions with people I haven’t seen in years.

What’s been the strangest part of being back home in the midst of all that’s going on?

A photographer from the Greensboro News & Record came and took a picture of me in my parent’s living room. That was really surreal.

You grew up in the south, how would you describe the Southern sense of humor?

Oh, interesting… I guess there are a couple of kinds. There is the kind that my aunt has and some of my friends from college where, because they are these very proper ladies with the manners and being sweet, nice, never cracking and that sort of thing, that the humor comes from whenever you break that character. When we were kids my aunt used to—and she is the one who is so proper—she used to pull up her dress, show us all her different undergarments, turn around and go, “Boo booptee doo!” and we would just lose it. When you’re so put together a lot of the humor comes from when you come undone. That’s a very specific kind [to my family], I wouldn’t want to generalize.

Where do you think you got your sense of humor?

The south is still very patriarchal, particularly the kind of south that I grew up in, and girls were just never as important socially. I have a lot of memories of, in particular high school and college, the guys having all the power because they threw the parties. I have a lot of memories of talking to guys and feeling as if I was being dismissed. It became this challenge where as soon as I could get them to laugh I knew I had them. I would watch the looks on their faces change from kind of being, “Uh huh, uh huh”—kind of looking over my shoulder—and then I would make them laugh and I would watch them become engaged and be like, “Oh! she’s interesting” or worth my time, or whatever. And it’s so twisted, I began to get this perverse thrill out of it like, “Ha! I gotcha!” The reason I say perverse is because they shouldn’t be worth my time, you know what I mean? But they were also kind of the only guys I knew—the crowd I grew up in. When I got to New York obviously I got away from that and people began to appreciate me without having to work so hard for it. But that’s definitely part of where it came from, to be treated as an equal I had to make them laugh.

What did you want to be when you were a kid?

I never really had a plan in my life, which I guess is why I’m 33 and just now figuring out what I want to do [laughs]. I mean, my parents and my aunt and uncle always wanted me to be a lawyer and they kind of said it so frequently that I guess I considered it.

What did you study in college?

I was a Religious Studies major. I knew I wasn’t going to use a Liberal Arts education in any truly applicable way so I just chose the one that I thought was most interesting.

Who inspired you to go into comedy as a career?

I went to see an improv comedy show at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre when it was on 22nd street. It was probably ASSSSCAT or it may have been Harold Night—this was probably 1999—and I just couldn’t believe it. Watching improv was like the most fun thing I’d ever done in my life. I just wanted to sign up for classes. I had never performed, I had never wanted to be a humor writer or an actor any of that. I just started taking improv classes and it grew from there. A) I loved it and B) I was like OK I’m kinda good at this—I wonder… would someone pay me to be funny?

What was your first improv or sketch group and what did you take away from that experience?

My first improv group was called Magic Susie and it was a group that I put together from people I liked who were all taking Level 3 at the time. We got our own run of shows at that place Freaks Local 413. What did I learn from it? I guess not to be so scared. God, I used to be so nervous that I couldn’t even think straight and you have to be able to think, you know, with improv.

Was it the trust in other people or the constant performing that helped nip the nerves?

Constantly performing, I think. Also being with people that I trusted, because I chose the team myself I felt comfortable with them. We had a blast.

Have your parents ever seen you perform in NY and what was their reaction?

[laughs] Well they’ve seen it a couple of times and [the shows] were all right at the beginning and I was just terrible. I hated it because I didn’t know how to say to them “This isn’t how it always is!” And of course they came to a show once at the old UCB Theatre space. It was just a sea of 24-year-olds wearing corduroys and Chucks and my parents came in silk and tweed and the host was like, “Ok… who ARE you?” So that was a little embarrassing.

You’ve covered everything from spas to stand up for Time Out New York, how did that start?

First I got on the freelancer list for Saturday Night Live. That was exciting. I decided I wanted to start writing and a friend of a friend was starting up The L Magazine. I thought, well they’re not going to have any money so they can’t pay which means they can’t afford to have anyone qualified so maybe they’ll hire me… and I got a column! The magazine came out every two weeks and I had a column in it for more than a year about the culture of food in NY. It was a food column but it wasn’t about restaurants; it was a humorous column. They gave me free reign to do what I wanted. I really developed my voice there because I’d been writing sketches or monologues or stand up jokes but I hadn’t really written humor in a narrative kind of way. Those clips and the fact that I was so deeply entrenched in the comedy scene got me the job at Time Out.

What was the best piece of career advice you ever received?

Two things: don’t be afraid to work for free because you can really get a leg up that way, and go to every show, party, event and stay at the bar late. It’s all who you know. You’re not going to get anything just out of knowing someone, but if you have the talent and the drive and then also you have someone who’s going to open a door for you, you’re set.

What advice would you give to someone wanting to write a book?

Make sure you really have something to say. I knew that a book was… BIG. [laughs] And long. But I still wasn’t prepared for exactly how much work it would be and how many pages I had to fill. It’s a lot! I had a decade of time to mine stories and I still had a hard time finding enough to say. I mean, it comes. For example: people are asking me a lot right now, “what’s next? What’s the next book?” and I’m like, I don’t know and don’t expect it any time soon because I will be so wary of signing on to do something until I really have something to say. That’s kind of a general piece of advice. Nuts and bolts: write a proposal. If you’re writing a novel you have to write the whole thing. For a narrative, non-fiction you only have to write one-third of the book–you can find advice on how to do that anywhere on the internet—once you have a proposal you can start trying to get an agent. The book world is much more standardized than TV and film, which is a relief. I always feel like with TV and film it’s like I might as well just make a wish on a star [laughs]… you know? How does anything happen? The book world is easier to navigate.

Did you do any readings of your book on stage while you were writing it?

I did and I found that very helpful. There was one show in particular that Jen Nails used to do with David Silverman called Writers Working. They would have four or five writers come and you would read a piece and then the audience would give you notes. They would tell you what they loved or if they had an idea or a suggestion and then the hosts would collect them and send them to you in the mail. It was unreal; I just can’t even believe it existed. They’re not doing it anymore, but if someone else wants to start up something like that it’s a great thing to have in the community. So a lot of the stories in the book I workshopped there and then I would also tell stories at The Moth. That helped, too.

Jane works her book out on stage. Photo: Eric Michael Pearson

What do you hope people take away from this book?

That it takes a really long time to grow up. [laughs] I’ve been saying that contextually the book is about culture, class and being a fish out of water, but the root story of the book is about that decade after you get out of college and you run away from home. Then once you get away you kind of look back and understand and see home for the first time. That was a challenge for me—to find out what home meant—and that’s a lot of what this book was for me. The process of writing the book was an opportunity for me to understand home and to see and appreciate it in a new way. That was a wisdom that only comes with age and you’re really only granted that opportunity if you do leave home. I guess the take away is do leave home, but don’t forget where you come from.

What was your ultimate “New York” moment?

I say in the book that my quintessential New York moment was this one night that my friend Sean and I were by Port Authority in the middle of the night, because of course we’d been in an improv show or something. We were listening to my iPod and singing at the top of our lungs and it was this feeling of, “It’s 4 in the morning and I’m screaming and no one cares! We’re not disturbing anyone!” Isn’t this amazing you can do that in this city that just never stops? It’s kind of like everyone in NY is screaming at the same time [laughs], but it’s kind of fun to be a part of that. Immediately after I saw the reverse of it which was kind of gross and scary. I had this feeling of, “No one can hear me scream, isn’t that great?” and then I went “Oh my god—no one can hear me scream. That’s terrifying.” [laughs]

You’ve seen a lot of comedy, reviewed a lot of show, what women lately have caught your attention?

I love Morgan Murphy, I think she’s really fantastic. Kristen Schaal, obviously, is great. I like Sara Schaefer. I just think it’s so great right now that women who are doing comedy right now are being honest, or being themselves. They’re not trying to be something that they think will be marketable. They’re not being forced to consider that because they’re women they have to overcome some hump. They don’t feel as if they can’t talk about their specifically feminine experiences and that’s really an amazing thing because, specifically feminine experiences, are funny. We’re seeing that it’s not only women who are laughing at them, everyone is laughing at them.

Do you feel like there needs to be a shift on a larger scale in what people find funny in order for women to become more of a staple in the comedy system?

I don’t know. I think we’re heading in that direction generally speaking. The great thing about comedy is that it’s a meritocracy. People either laugh or they don’t and one of the “rules” of comedy, one of the ways that you can try to be funny or try to gauge whether or not something will be funny is whether or not it’s honest and specific. Right? Comedy is about specifics. The specifics of your life, of any situation and so the more that people are themselves on stage the better their humor is. When you say does there have to be a shift in what people laugh at, you know, what people laugh at is truth and originality and specifics of human experience. And so what we’re seeing is that holds true regardless of gender. So I mean the answer is for people to just continue being themselves do what they think is funny.

What would you like to see from the future of women in comedy?

More! More in positions of power because any time that a woman is in a position of power more women will join underneath her. That’s just how it works. That’s just how the world works and when a woman is calling the shots she’s choosing things she thinks are funny. And when a woman is doing the writing then the product will naturally attract more women in the audience and that will breed a feminine sense of humor and that will prove that the feminine sense of humor is funny. I think also the more women that are there the more diversity there will be among us and we’ll no longer be considered “female” comedians we will be considered, like, the “hipster” comedian or the “pixie” comedian or the “type A, Manhattan” comedian, you know what I mean? We’ll get designations that men have always had. When we’re categorized as “women” instead of by the nature of our personality, I don’t think it’s always because people are trying to hold us down—I don’t think it’s always sexist—I think it just has to do with numbers. That is the most defining characteristic for a lot of us and once there are more and more of us we’ll get to have those same specifics.

Jane, thank you for taking the time to speak with me! Is there anything else you’d like to add?

I’m really honored that you asked me to be a part of this. I think this is super exciting! I’m so glad G.L.O.C. is happening and that it exists. I think there was a time when women were reluctant to be associated with groups that were specifically “female comedian” groups precisely because of what we were just talking about or [laughs] what I was just talking at you about. Women don’t want to be considered a “female” comedian they just want to be a comedian and because of that they shied away from building communities of women and I think that was the wrong way. I think that’s changing which is good because those things don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

You can catch Jane reading an excerpt from her book at the G.L.O.C. Launch Party on Thursday, March 31st. Pick up a copy of Jane’s book, I Totally Meant To Do That, at a local book store or on Amazon.com and find out more about Jane at Janeborden.com.